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Thread: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

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    Default People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    People You Don't Like Are Online Too...
    By Bob Hubbard



    Over the last 7+ years I have been operating several online communities. Prior to that I ran or assisted on old style dial up bulletin boards (BBS's). So, I've seen quite a lot of interesting things in the maze of human online interactions. A common problem is when person A doesn't like person B. This can be for any of thousand reasons. From basic philosophical differences, political or religious, past personal history, to they just rub you the wrong way. Sometimes it's a huge reason, and other times, it's a reason that seems to make no sense or be so minor an issue as to be beneath notice. It doesn't matter, there's a problem, and they will let you know it.

    The way they let you know varies, but in many cases will rotate through all of these stages.

    * Don't complain about anything. Always stay silent, or complain in topic wondering where the moderators are. Don't they care? Don't they read everything on this 20,000 member 2,000 post a day site? Why aren't they here, right now taking care of the problem?

    * Complain about every thing the other person says to management. Everything the "disliked" person says online must somehow be directed at you, so you must inform the management of this "vile troll" at every chance. His comment "Nice weather" must directly refer in secret code to the 2 feet of snow you had to shovel and hurt your back, so he is calling you weak even though he is a thousand miles away in balmy 70' weather. It's a shot and you're telling. So you private message, email and/or report that post, then since 5 whole minutes have passed and no one has done anything (since everyone knows site admins live by their systems and never leave) you fire back a heated message.

    * Give up complaining since "they never do anything anyway" and begin posting your own preemptive attacks, always taking a moment to add in a complaint or shot at the slow acting and secretly supportive of the other guy site staff. When they staff tire of this and call you on it, your indignation is of course completely justified. After all, if they had just listened to you at first, there would have been no need for you to throw manners away, and how dare they tell you to behave? After all, "he's" to blame because he's there.

    * Go to other sites and complain about the site and it's staff. After all, it sucked and they sucked too because they let "him" get away with everything, and all you were trying to do was call him on it. How dare they try to tell you that you weren't being a good member!

    * When told to use built in tools like "ignore lists" or "buddy lists" or "filters" puff up and let them know clearly that you don't buy into that sissy stuff. Of course, just using your own built in ability to ignore things doesn't work either, because if you did, you would never see all those people talking about you.

    * You quit. You go to other sites and complain how much the old site sucks and how they let their favored people attack you without fear of reprisal, and how you were singled out for just "standing up for yourself". You visit on occasions so that you can keep tabs on the conspiracy, and are sure to mention how you were "run off" or "quit because they sucked" at every chance.


    Sound familiar? Know anyone who fits one or more of these? Do they fit you? Then, read on.

    Most people are intelligent folks. They wouldn't go to a movie and sit quietly as some rude jerk yacks on their cell phone. They would go find an usher and get the idiot shut up. They wouldn't accept rude server at a checkout counter, they would call over a manager and lodge a complaint. Someone's smoking in the no-smoking area? Call a manager who will handle it. They don't however make the call, then get up and slap the other person around a bit until help arrives. During our lives we encounter thousands of situations that require we either ignore it as not worth our while, or call for assistance and let them deal with things. Online, somehow people think the rules are different, should be immediate, and shouldn't apply to us when we are "taking care of things ourselves".

    To avoid many headaches online, most communities have installed filters, sometimes called "ignore lists". Use them. Put those who annoy you on them. If you choose not to because sometimes they do post something you like, then learn to filter out the rest and have the maturity to not fire back a heated response. Otherwise, the "pompous know-it-all", the "hot head", the salesman, the "everything outside of me is inferior" and the" I was to the mountain and have been anointed" all should be placed on your own ignore list, filtering out their comments and cleansing your experience. If you see them quoted by others, stop reading once you see their name and just move on to the next post. Most of these guys thrive on the attention and the audience, and if you don't feed them, they starve and leave.

    Because staff are often overworked, and unpaid, and have real lives that don't revolve around groups, lists and forums, it may take a while for them to receive every complaint. Sometimes, they need time to confer among themselves to decide if something truly is a rules violation, or a legal violation, and what course of action is needed to solve the problem. Patience you must have, and resist the urge to grab torch and pitchfork.

    Sitting there in silence when there is a problem never solves is, but neither does complaining every 5 minutes. The person who calls 911 (or whatever your emergency number is in your area) can be cited for abuse. Reporting 20 posts in 5 minutes, or every post good and bad from an individual, or threatening to "do something if you won't" usually qualifies as abuse on most sites. Harassing the staff is never a good idea.

    Going elsewhere also rarely works. In some cases, it is a good idea. You and the community just don't share the same ideals or just can't get in sync. But going elsewhere and complaining all the time really makes as little sense as having a bad time at Walmart and going to Target and tracking down every customer and employee and telling them about it.


    Most sites try to run within a set list of rules, and be as fair as possible. Biases will always be there as it's human nature. However if you work within the system, use the tools available, and give people time to help you, you will greatly enhance your own enjoyment of the site, as well as the enjoyment of your fellow members, most of whom aren't there to watch school yard arguments (though there are sites dedicated to such things) but to learn, relax and network with other like minded people.

    Use the tools provided, give the staff time to handle things, learn to ignore the small stuff, and help the staff by not being a problem causer yourself, and the site will prosper and your enjoyment of it will benefit.



    ===
    Bob Hubbard is an administrator of the popular martial arts sites MartialTalk.com and KenpoTalk.com. He is president of SilverStar WebDesigns inc., a web site design and hosting company specializing in affordable solutions for martial artists as well as a professional photographer. More of Bob's articles can be found at rustaz.net. Please contact Bob if you would like him to review your martial arts product.

    Copyright 2007 Bob Hubbard - Copies of this article are free to distribute, provided all text is retained intact.
    For ANY and ALL KenpoTalk issues, please use theContact Us link here or at page bottom right. Do NOT PM me for site support.

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    thanks Bob.. well typed...

    I usually stay silent, but not for your reasons stated above.. For the most part it is because someone has already posted what i wanted to say

    to me life is too short for face to face bickering, never mind on the internet..

    keep up the good work! You and all the mod's do a great job with the site!

    Just my two cents.
    "The sacraed rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for among old parchments or musty records. They are written, as with a sunbeam, in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself, and can never be erased.""

    Alexander Hamilton
    The Farmer Refuted (1775)

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Bob,
    You have always been very level headed.
    I and everyone else on kenpotalk does appreciate that, even us that actually sometimes believe we have a legitamate gripe.
    I personally have talked to you privately about a couple of issues here and there, and I've found you to be very fair, reasonable and capable as an administrator.
    Thank you.
    Dr. John M. La Tourrette

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Ugh those people I don't like are everywhere! Why do they keep following me? It doesn't matter where I go, they find me!
    Susan A. Spann

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    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )



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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Sigh...I wish I was more like Bob...but I'm extremely antisocial and dislike everyone equally.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    hehe. Thank you all


    I wrote this piece, not really aiming at KT or MT (which I was asked privately over there), but based on my experiences running these sites, as well as talking with admins from Budoseek, MartialArts Planet and EBudo, plus years of old school BBSing and USENET use.

    Ironically, I keep hearing about my diplomatic nature, manners, phone skills and such....but I don't see myself that way. I think that's an idea for another piece though, how we see ourselves, how others see us, and the differences between views. Of course.....all the stuff I've written...I hate writing, LOL!!!
    For ANY and ALL KenpoTalk issues, please use theContact Us link here or at page bottom right. Do NOT PM me for site support.

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    I know better
    Susan A. Spann

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Thank you Bob,

    You have always answered any question that I have had very Promptly. It is good to know that you are there trying to make things better.

    I am Most Respectfully,
    Sifuroy

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    I think it comes down to the cultural thing and respecting others issue, on or off line. Todays societies seem more heated, hotheaded and lack in general manners. You see it everyday, on the road, in business, on the street and on the TV. The internet is just another source to be ill mannered and disrespectful. Youtube always makes me laugh, most of the time it seems to be 90% insults on what people write and comment on below the actual videos/movies. It reminds me of a alternative online graffiti, (writing something without anyone seeing you, insulting a few people and then running off).

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Every so often I reread my older articles and think they apply as much today as they felt they did when I first wrote them.
    For ANY and ALL KenpoTalk issues, please use theContact Us link here or at page bottom right. Do NOT PM me for site support.

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    I'd say make this one a permanent "Must read"!!!
    ....if nothing else, it needs to be brought back up often and E-mailed to ALL new users.

    A classic Bob!

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    Lightbulb Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Bob this is a very good topic to make and express your thought on and towards. I find that most people that have a dislike towards another often it's for other reasons than not meeting the person directly but mostly indirectly or just word of mouth of what was said or in this case written about.

    I don't want other to think or talk for me, if I'm capable of doing this for myself. My thought and my likes or dislikes I personally hold myself accountable to and for.

    Well this is a goof forum, it's my hopes that it thrives and meets the interested to those of of that have questions.

    Salutations

    Steve Spry

    Kenpo the freedom to think with an open MIND.

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    He's right.

    This can be a real goof forum.

    Here's to the goofs.


    -Rob
    "All the time you're arguing over, is this kenpo, is that kenpo, you could be training!"

    -Senior Instructor Bobby Thomas

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    It's both, it's all good
    For ANY and ALL KenpoTalk issues, please use theContact Us link here or at page bottom right. Do NOT PM me for site support.

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    Quote Originally Posted by Thesemindz View Post
    He's right.

    This can be a real goof forum.

    Here's to the goofs.


    -Rob
    Only when Amy's posting... ROFL
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: People You Don't Like Are Online Too... By Bob Hubbard

    So a guy say's to his psychiatrist, "Doc, I'm really having problems getting along with people, you punk ass ****!"
    Last edited by KenpoChanger; 07-14-2011 at 09:27 PM. Reason: Oops, I thought ther was a filter.
    Also Mastering Tsing Tao.

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