The womens brain

[parkerkarate]

Ok so this is what happend. 10 o'clock rolls around and my ex pops up on my computer screen on IM. She asked if I was over her yet. I told her that I did not totally know yet. She wanted a yes or no answer and I told her that it was not a total yes or no yet. She told me what happened with her and her new boy toy. Supposidly they had a big fight and aren't dating anymore. March 28th would be our 3 year anniversary. I asked her if she was over me. She said that she thought she was, but now it is finally hitting her. She asked about my plans for the summer and with these internships. And than she was like "we have been talking for 35 minutes, you never talked to me for that long." Ummmmm yet, gut check number one. Than she asks if I have been dating anyone and why not if I am not. I told her I wasn't because I am no where near ready to especially emotionally. Gut check number 2. Then we talked about a few other things for a little bit and than she said she had to go because she was getting off work soon.

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

[kenposearcher]

If you want to give her a few months, and if it works, you made a great decision. If not, then get over her for good. These things can cycle for years, and you'll miss the woman of your dreams while you chase after the relationship that will never work. But if you aren't dating anyone now, what do you have to lose?

Ok so this is what happend. 10 o'clock rolls around and my ex pops up on my computer screen on IM. She asked if I was over her yet. I told her that I did not totally know yet. She wanted a yes or no answer and I told her that it was not a total yes or no yet. She told me what happened with her and her new boy toy. Supposidly they had a big fight and aren't dating anymore. March 28th would be our 3 year anniversary. I asked her if she was over me. She said that she thought she was, but now it is finally hitting her. She asked about my plans for the summer and with these internships. And than she was like "we have been talking for 35 minutes, you never talked to me for that long." Ummmmm yet, gut check number one. Than she asks if I have been dating anyone and why not if I am not. I told her I wasn't because I am no where near ready to especially emotionally. Gut check number 2. Then we talked about a few other things for a little bit and than she said she had to go because she was getting off work soon.

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

[parkerkarate]

If you want to give her a few months, and if it works, you made a great decision. If not, then get over her for good. These things can cycle for years, and you'll miss the woman of your dreams while you chase after the relationship that will never work. But if you aren't dating anyone now, what do you have to lose?

I have nothing left for her, the both of us know it would never work. Now she fianlly understands what I have been going through for a while.

[Carol]

Ok so this is what happend. 10 o'clock rolls around and my ex pops up on my computer screen on IM. She asked if I was over her yet. I told her that I did not totally know yet. She wanted a yes or no answer and I told her that it was not a total yes or no yet. She told me what happened with her and her new boy toy. Supposidly they had a big fight and aren't dating anymore. March 28th would be our 3 year anniversary. I asked her if she was over me. She said that she thought she was, but now it is finally hitting her. She asked about my plans for the summer and with these internships. And than she was like "we have been talking for 35 minutes, you never talked to me for that long." Ummmmm yet, gut check number one. Than she asks if I have been dating anyone and why not if I am not. I told her I wasn't because I am no where near ready to especially emotionally. Gut check number 2. Then we talked about a few other things for a little bit and than she said she had to go because she was getting off work soon.

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

Women do it and guys do it too. My fiancee of over 3 years broke up with me, then several months later he was begging me to come back to him, get married and move with him out of state. I didn't take him up on his offer.

I guess I wasn't so bad after all.

But, in fairness, I've seen my gal pals do similar things with guys and crap like that usually leads to the end of our friendship. I don't keep people like that in my life.

Funny how when someone finds a relationship so easy to be cast aside, they, they also think it's easy for their ex-partner to reunite and to just not pay attention to how easily everything was abandoned. Nothing to see here, folks, move along.

You're a decent guy PK. You were serious about wanting someone special in your life. You deserve someone that can stop thinking about themselves long enough to be serious about you in return. I wish you the best and I mean that sincerely

[hemi]

Ok so this is what happend. 10 o'clock rolls around and my ex pops up on my computer screen on IM. She asked if I was over her yet. I told her that I did not totally know yet. She wanted a yes or no answer and I told her that it was not a total yes or no yet. She told me what happened with her and her new boy toy. Supposidly they had a big fight and aren't dating anymore. March 28th would be our 3 year anniversary. I asked her if she was over me. She said that she thought she was, but now it is finally hitting her. She asked about my plans for the summer and with these internships. And than she was like "we have been talking for 35 minutes, you never talked to me for that long." Ummmmm yet, gut check number one. Than she asks if I have been dating anyone and why not if I am not. I told her I wasn't because I am no where near ready to especially emotionally. Gut check number 2. Then we talked about a few other things for a little bit and than she said she had to go because she was getting off work soon.

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

Well I’m no expert but I have been around the block a time or two. And I have been through exactly what you just described. In my experience the woman in question wants to keep you on a hook for the down times when she doesn’t have someone and still be able to play the field.



My only advice stay away from her, there is a reason she is an EX, and no good can or will come from having anything else to do with her. You will either get hurt more than you have been already. Or worse she may end up pregnant and now you are stuck with her or at lease your wallet is.

Take it from a guy that’s a little older and been screwed around a time or two.

[Martin Seck]

Well I’m no expert but I have been around the block a time or two. And I have been through exactly what you just described. In my experience the woman in question wants to keep you on a hook for the down times when she doesn’t have someone and still be able to play the field.



My only advice stay away from her, there is a reason she is an EX, and no good can or will come from having anything else to do with her. You will either get hurt more than you have been already. Or worse she may end up pregnant and now you are stuck with her or at lease your wallet is.

Take it from a guy that’s a little older and been screwed around a time or two.

After being married for 14 years and having 3 children and coming home after a long days work to "I don't want to be married anymore." I would have to agree with hemi.

Move on ... yes it hurts but you will find the right person for you. Don't settle for "comfortable". If you want to talk offline about it let me know brother.

Take it easy.

[Dr. Dave in da house]

I'm with the "ditch her" voting group. When you're in your 20's, you see your friends at a lot of weddings. When you're in your late 30's/early 40's, you see them as you stay on each others' couches through divorces.

In that time of life, a phrase comes up, both in reference to relationships past, and dating present: "staying with a woman longer than you should." Near every guy has done it, whether it was staying with the wife for 15 years and the last 14 were miserable with no excuse NOT to leave, or becoming a steady beau for a lass that doesn't really light your fire, but you're either emotionally addicted, or don't have much else going on to pass the time so why not.

And humans have a tendency to be a bit like apes in a tree, not letting go of one branch until they get hold of another. She's fighting with the new boy toy, but doesn't want to let it go until she has the next branch figured out....you. If you answer, "Done with you, babe.", I'll bet you 20 bucks she finds a way to make it work with the new guy. If you leave the door open for her return, she'll call the new guy and tell him they're done...but it won't last, because you'll have compromised your terms around your personhood to take her back under these circumstances, and a woman won't love a man she can't trust, and she won't trust a man who compromises his terms. Even if she's the one who tested you into compromising them. And if she meets a guy #3 in the interim that she views as a trade up, she'll drop both of you. I wish I could say this was a chick thing, but a lot of the dudes I know do it too.

Grab your nuts, get the broom & sweep her out the door, lock it, weld it shut, move on, process the pain by bitchin' about it with your bro's, and don't look back; it's emotional poison -- you cannot get where you're going looking in the rear-view mirror.

And trust me on this one: You will be a different person 5 years from now than you are today. Youth brings rapid change with aging. It also brings an emotional impetuosity that makes things hurt more and seem bigger...break-ups at 25 cut more deeply than break-ups at 35, and so on. If you stick with her now to ease the pain of absence, you'll still have to deal with splitting a couple years from now, and will be peaved about blowing the time in between. You will both be different people, grown apart.

"You must leave her, brother" -- Sean Connery/Ramirez, Highlander

[kenposearcher]

PK, after reading Dr. Dave's excellent post, I've changed my vote from "give her just a few months" to "dump her now". I realized after reading what he wrote that I tended to do that too...hang on too long, get hurt more. I'm in a great relationship now that has lasted many years....but I was the typical guy who even, as Dave suggested, had a woman dump me for number 3.

It is not worth the pain, and it affects everything you do negatively. Even your karate.

Pay special attention to his plan of action. "Grab your nuts, get the broom & sweep her out the door, lock it, weld it shut, move on, process the pain by bitchin' about it with your bro's, and don't look back; it's emotional poison -- you cannot get where you're going looking in the rear-view mirror."

I would only add....spend your dating energy and time looking for someone who will treat you well, as you deserve to be.

I'm with the "ditch her" voting group. When you're in your 20's, you see your friends at a lot of weddings. When you're in your late 30's/early 40's, you see them as you stay on each others' couches through divorces.

In that time of life, a phrase comes up, both in reference to relationships past, and dating present: "staying with a woman longer than you should." Near every guy has done it, whether it was staying with the wife for 15 years and the last 14 were miserable with no excuse NOT to leave, or becoming a steady beau for a lass that doesn't really light your fire, but you're either emotionally addicted, or don't have much else going on to pass the time so why not.

And humans have a tendency to be a bit like apes in a tree, not letting go of one branch until they get hold of another. She's fighting with the new boy toy, but doesn't want to let it go until she has the next branch figured out....you. If you answer, "Done with you, babe.", I'll bet you 20 bucks she finds a way to make it work with the new guy. If you leave the door open for her return, she'll call the new guy and tell him they're done...but it won't last, because you'll have compromised your terms around your personhood to take her back under these circumstances, and a woman won't love a man she can't trust, and she won't trust a man who compromises his terms. Even if she's the one who tested you into compromising them. And if she meets a guy #3 in the interim that she views as a trade up, she'll drop both of you. I wish I could say this was a chick thing, but a lot of the dudes I know do it too.

Grab your nuts, get the broom & sweep her out the door, lock it, weld it shut, move on, process the pain by bitchin' about it with your bro's, and don't look back; it's emotional poison -- you cannot get where you're going looking in the rear-view mirror.

And trust me on this one: You will be a different person 5 years from now than you are today. Youth brings rapid change with aging. It also brings an emotional impetuosity that makes things hurt more and seem bigger...break-ups at 25 cut more deeply than break-ups at 35, and so on. If you stick with her now to ease the pain of absence, you'll still have to deal with splitting a couple years from now, and will be peaved about blowing the time in between. You will both be different people, grown apart.

"You must leave her, brother" -- Sean Connery/Ramirez, Highlander

[parkerkarate]

I'm with the "ditch her" voting group. When you're in your 20's, you see your friends at a lot of weddings. When you're in your late 30's/early 40's, you see them as you stay on each others' couches through divorces.

In that time of life, a phrase comes up, both in reference to relationships past, and dating present: "staying with a woman longer than you should." Near every guy has done it, whether it was staying with the wife for 15 years and the last 14 were miserable with no excuse NOT to leave, or becoming a steady beau for a lass that doesn't really light your fire, but you're either emotionally addicted, or don't have much else going on to pass the time so why not.

And humans have a tendency to be a bit like apes in a tree, not letting go of one branch until they get hold of another. She's fighting with the new boy toy, but doesn't want to let it go until she has the next branch figured out....you. If you answer, "Done with you, babe.", I'll bet you 20 bucks she finds a way to make it work with the new guy. If you leave the door open for her return, she'll call the new guy and tell him they're done...but it won't last, because you'll have compromised your terms around your personhood to take her back under these circumstances, and a woman won't love a man she can't trust, and she won't trust a man who compromises his terms. Even if she's the one who tested you into compromising them. And if she meets a guy #3 in the interim that she views as a trade up, she'll drop both of you. I wish I could say this was a chick thing, but a lot of the dudes I know do it too.

Grab your nuts, get the broom & sweep her out the door, lock it, weld it shut, move on, process the pain by bitchin' about it with your bro's, and don't look back; it's emotional poison -- you cannot get where you're going looking in the rear-view mirror.

And trust me on this one: You will be a different person 5 years from now than you are today. Youth brings rapid change with aging. It also brings an emotional impetuosity that makes things hurt more and seem bigger...break-ups at 25 cut more deeply than break-ups at 35, and so on. If you stick with her now to ease the pain of absence, you'll still have to deal with splitting a couple years from now, and will be peaved about blowing the time in between. You will both be different people, grown apart.

"You must leave her, brother" -- Sean Connery/Ramirez, Highlander

Wow that's deep LOL. Thank's for the insights, I really appreciate it.

[DavidCC]

In my experience the woman in question wants to keep you on a hook for the down times when she doesn’t have someone and still be able to play the field.

My only advice stay away from her

This goes both ways! Just don't fool yourself into thinking it is anything but that. She wants to "keep you on the hook for down times", I read that as "she wants to use you for uncommitted sexual relief when convenient" and what guy ever had a problem with that ROFLMAO Guys need date insurance too, the problem is find someone to provide coverage.

The risk is that you will be forget what it is and start to have those annoying "feelings" and that will lead quickly to suffering. So, best is probably stay away and block her IM's otherwise she will catch you at a weak moment (3 beers and horny).

[tiktok86]

I've been in this situation before, and have to completely and totally agree with Dr Dave. The best and healthiest thing that you can do is move on in your life and don't look back. No doubts, no second thoughts, just let it go and move forward in your life.

[John M. La Tourrette]

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

Yes.
It's called eliciting her criteria, no matter how weird, stupid, dumb, etc it seems to you.
Anthony Robbins covers this pretty good in his "Unlimited Power" book. You can find it in most used book stores for a $1.

Doc John

[KenpoChanger]

Ok so this is what happend. 10 o'clock rolls around and my ex pops up on my computer screen on IM. She asked if I was over her yet. I told her that I did not totally know yet. She wanted a yes or no answer and I told her that it was not a total yes or no yet. She told me what happened with her and her new boy toy. Supposidly they had a big fight and aren't dating anymore. March 28th would be our 3 year anniversary. I asked her if she was over me. She said that she thought she was, but now it is finally hitting her. She asked about my plans for the summer and with these internships. And than she was like "we have been talking for 35 minutes, you never talked to me for that long." Ummmmm yet, gut check number one. Than she asks if I have been dating anyone and why not if I am not. I told her I wasn't because I am no where near ready to especially emotionally. Gut check number 2. Then we talked about a few other things for a little bit and than she said she had to go because she was getting off work soon.

I mean no disrespect ladies.....but, WTF? I do not think I am ever going to understand women. You think they want one thing but they really want another. It is nothing but one big oxymoron. Does anybody have any opinion on this?

"You get what you settle for"

[John M. La Tourrette]

I and my sweet wife Lynn just had a dizzy of an argument Saturday.

We were driving down to Spicer’s restaurant to get breakfast, I looked to the floor board on the passenger side, and I notice my knuckle-toughener was gone.

The knuckle toughener is a small piece of brick that I hold in one hand and hit it with the other hand while driving. I steer by using the left thigh.

I hit it solidly with the “i-kwon” and with the pisaform bone (using the proper hand flex for dim mak) as I drive down the road. I do have a specific dim mak routine that I do a minimum of 3 times a week, even now after 57 years of training.

Lynn tells me, “I threw out the trash”.

I tell her, “I wasn’t trash, it’s a training tool”.

Lynn-“Well what do you use it for?”

I tell her, as I’ve told her for the past 36 years.

She tells me, “That’s stupid. You are going to hurt yourself. What do you think you are, a 20 year old? You are going to hurt yourself. Knock off that stupid crap”.

That was about the end of the conversation.

Any way, today I put a new “knuckle toughener” onto the floor boards of the passenger side.

I’m just curious to what other's here do with their training methods that upsets the good wife and you don’t have a clue to why that is.

©Dr. John M. La Tourrette

[parkerkarate]

I and my sweet wife Lynn just had a dizzy of an argument Saturday.

We were driving down to Spicer’s restaurant to get breakfast, I looked to the floor board on the passenger side, and I notice my knuckle-toughener was gone.

The knuckle toughener is a small piece of brick that I hold in one hand and hit it with the other hand while driving. I steer by using the left thigh.

I hit it solidly with the “i-kwon” and with the pisaform bone (using the proper hand flex for dim mak) as I drive down the road. I do have a specific dim mak routine that I do a minimum of 3 times a week, even now after 57 years of training.

Lynn tells me, “I threw out the trash”.

I tell her, “I wasn’t trash, it’s a training tool”.

Lynn-“Well what do you use it for?”

I tell her, as I’ve told her for the past 36 years.

She tells me, “That’s stupid. You are going to hurt yourself. What do you think you are, a 20 year old? You are going to hurt yourself. Knock off that stupid crap”.

That was about the end of the conversation.

Any way, today I put a new “knuckle toughener” onto the floor boards of the passenger side.

I’m just curious to what other's here do with their training methods that upsets the good wife and you don’t have a clue to why that is.

©Dr. John M. La Tourrette

Thats one thing that I will not miss. The fights. Maybe you should start another thread on this I think it is a good topic.

[Miyu]

For the record, you guys aren't as clear as you think you are. You claim to be simple creatures, but that is SO far from the truth.

And the whole "Men aren't emotional" thing is just a myth.

[parkerkarate]

For the record, you guys aren't as clear as you think you are. You claim to be simple creatures, but that is SO far from the truth.

How so?

[Celtic_Crippler]

It's not a girl-guy thing, IMHO. Many people by nature simply are attracted to what they do not have. They want the "new" experience and tire of the routine. We are "explorers" by nature on every scale; always looking for the latest and greatest.

I hope that one day you meet your soul mate and recognize it. The one that you never tire of. The one that inspires you to be better than you are. When they do that consistantly over time, you'll know you're with the right one.

Peace!

[kwanli]

How old is she and you?
If you don't know who you are it's hard to decide who you want to be with. If you deem her to be worth it ask her out to coffee. It's easy to excuse yourself if she's weird, and easy to extend if you are having a good time. If she says no you know she isn't interested and you know where you stand. Make it freindly and easy going.
kwan li

[parkerkarate]

How old is she and you?
If you don't know who you are it's hard to decide who you want to be with. If you deem her to be worth it ask her out to coffee. It's easy to excuse yourself if she's weird, and easy to extend if you are having a good time. If she says no you know she isn't interested and you know where you stand. Make it freindly and easy going.
kwan li

Well she is 22 but her and I have been broken up for 4 months now.