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Thread: Can Kenpo Help?

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    Default Can Kenpo Help?

    I am a 35 year old male who has always had self confidence problems. All through my younger years I have run from confrontation, much to my humiliation. Now that I am grown, the people I am around are also grown and more mature so these situations are no longer common. However I feel like I have and do miss out on allot of life due to my fear of confrontation. I avoid going places where there are lots of people such as sporting events. I have children now, and I would absolutely hate for them to see me react in a cowardly way to some other person, but I want to take them to sporting events and such. I am not interested in beating people up to prove myself, but I am intersted in being able to make a choice in my reaction to an agressor...not just running scared. I took TKD for few years when I was a young teenager. This seemed to help slightly, but obviously I still have "issues". I am willing to sacrifice some of the time I currently spend with my family in order to improve myself so that I can be a better husband/father etc. I also feel like my lack of self respect has affected my professional life and personal life when dealing with others. Do any of you believe Kenpo would help or do you know of someone in a similar situation that was helped by Kenpo? I am attracted to the real-world application of Kenpo and I believe it would by my best option in developing self defense.

    Thanks in advance for your input.

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Over time you will become proficient with your self defense abilities, as that happens your confidence will grow. There is no set time line for it but in time you will become confident enough in your abilities that you will project confidence and that there will eliminate many possibilities for conflict.

    All I can say is practice hard, listen to your teachers, fill themin on your situation, and in time you will not be scared of confrontation, just don't take it too far so that you look for and embrace confrontation.

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    I am a 35 year old male who has always had self confidence problems. All through my younger years I have run from confrontation, much to my humiliation. Now that I am grown, the people I am around are also grown and more mature so these situations are no longer common. However I feel like I have and do miss out on allot of life due to my fear of confrontation. I avoid going places where there are lots of people such as sporting events. I have children now, and I would absolutely hate for them to see me react in a cowardly way to some other person, but I want to take them to sporting events and such. I am not interested in beating people up to prove myself, but I am intersted in being able to make a choice in my reaction to an agressor...not just running scared. I took TKD for few years when I was a young teenager. This seemed to help slightly, but obviously I still have "issues". I am willing to sacrifice some of the time I currently spend with my family in order to improve myself so that I can be a better husband/father etc. I also feel like my lack of self respect has affected my professional life and personal life when dealing with others. Do any of you believe Kenpo would help or do you know of someone in a similar situation that was helped by Kenpo? I am attracted to the real-world application of Kenpo and I believe it would by my best option in developing self defense.

    Thanks in advance for your input.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Well for one.. Welcome to the Board

    Kenpo can help Tremendously with your Self Confidence issue.. I just had a chat with a student who was in tears because she was soo lacking in confidence.. when our chat was done.. she gave me a big hug and I've seen a world of difference in her.. I, am pretty Anti-Social too, and believe you me, Getting out there and making your body move in ways you didn't think possible is a totally amazing thing. Once your body starts moving and your mind encompasses what's going on.. You will find you're able to do things never before possible. So yes, Give it your best and though you don't know me from adam.. it really makes a difference in your life.

    Good Luck~!

    ~Tess
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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    I'm not a degreed professional (yet) but it sounds like you may have some anxiety issues. You may want to seek some professional assistance. Self-confidence is a by-product of learning Kenpo. As you progress through the levels attaining more skill you may not notice it, but others will. You will hear people say things like "Did you get a haircut?" or "Are you loosing weight?" They'll notice something has changed, but won't be able to put a finger on it. However, if you do seriously have some anxiety issues I encourage you to seek help. I mean that in the kindest possible way.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." – Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    I am a 35 year old male who has always had self confidence problems. All through my younger years I have run from confrontation, much to my humiliation. Now that I am grown, the people I am around are also grown and more mature so these situations are no longer common. However I feel like I have and do miss out on allot of life due to my fear of confrontation. I avoid going places where there are lots of people such as sporting events. I have children now, and I would absolutely hate for them to see me react in a cowardly way to some other person, but I want to take them to sporting events and such. I am not interested in beating people up to prove myself, but I am intersted in being able to make a choice in my reaction to an agressor...not just running scared. I took TKD for few years when I was a young teenager. This seemed to help slightly, but obviously I still have "issues". I am willing to sacrifice some of the time I currently spend with my family in order to improve myself so that I can be a better husband/father etc. I also feel like my lack of self respect has affected my professional life and personal life when dealing with others. Do any of you believe Kenpo would help or do you know of someone in a similar situation that was helped by Kenpo? I am attracted to the real-world application of Kenpo and I believe it would by my best option in developing self defense.

    Thanks in advance for your input.
    Social anxiety was one of my problems and still is. Kenpo has helped me alot with this. I am not even near the way I was before I started taking Kenpo. I wouldn't event look for a girlfriend before, but now I have enough self confidence to ask her to marry me.
    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"


    "Praying Mantis, very good. . . For catching bugs." --Jackie Chan

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Quote Originally Posted by parkerkarate
    Social anxiety was one of my problems and still is. Kenpo has helped me alot with this. I am not even near the way I was before I started taking Kenpo. I wouldn't event look for a girlfriend before, but now I have enough self confidence to ask her to marry me.
    That's really cool.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." – Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Indeed welcome to the board

    Kenpo... in of itself (or any Martial art for that matter) is not a cure for lack of self confidence.

    I know exactly what you are talking about with the walking away from confrontation and the humiliation that comes with it.. you just described my High school life and likely several other peoples ... so find comfort in the fact that you are not alone there.

    If you go into the martial arts with the mindset of "Doing this will result in fixing that.." then it won't work.

    Think of it as ... by studying the arts I am bringing something into my life that will allow me to view encounters violent and non-violent with open eyes, I am studying this because I want to learn and test my own abilities every day.

    Ultimately... the Martial arts do not change you... Martial Arts is simply one way to allow you to change yourself.


    I hope that makes sense.

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Quote Originally Posted by Celtic_Crippler
    That's really cool.

    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"


    "Praying Mantis, very good. . . For catching bugs." --Jackie Chan

    "A horse stance is great for taking a dump" --Jet Li

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    First welcome to the forum, what you have posted in some ways sounds like me as well. I still think back about a few times when I was in High school and walked away from a fight when it would have been best if I just stood up and lost. I think, well I know that I am still dealing with issues from my past. I think for a while during my last year of High School and a few years after I went from one side of the scale to the other. I was out to redeem myself in a way, I would intentionally go to places where confrontation might happen places like pool halls, I ran with a pretty dark group of friends that had no problem running their mouths and then backing it up. All I ended up with out of that was a few scars, a crooked nose, and no more self confident than I had in the first place.
    I wouldn’t say that I am uncomfortable to the point of it being debilitating but I too dislike crowds of people. I often feel very self conscious and tend to rather want to leave an area then stay and overcome the feeling. But I have been working on this issue for some time. Back when I was in the Air Force I went to dance clubs every weekend for about a year. I would go and sit at my table and have a few drinks and just watch people on the dance floor. One day this lady would not take no for an answer she was going to dance with me if she had to drag me on the floor. Well after about three seconds it became painfully obvious that I did not know how to dance. As it turned out she was a dance instructor and she told me to calm down and follow her lead. (That made me feel stupid for a min) but after about three songs I was able to dance with as much skill as all the other drunken people on the floor. But to make a long story short I ended up dating her for about six months. By the end of our third month she and I had competed in a few country dance competitions and even took 3rd in one. I never thought I would be so comfortable on the dance floor. Now when I first started Kenpo I was real worried about getting in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know and that have way more skill than I did as a white belt. Just give it a little time and now I am very comfortable on that mat at school as well.
    A black belt covers 2" of your butt. Covering the rest is soley up to you

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    I am a 35 year old male who has always had self confidence problems. All through my younger years I have run from confrontation, much to my humiliation.
    Perhaps your introspection ought to begin here. Avoiding confrontation, whether due to fear/intelligence/morals/etc., shouldn't necessarily be a source of humiliation. Especially if you were avoiding violent confrontations. Discretion truly is the better part of valor. Perhaps you meant to say that your lack of self confidence (which led to your inability to stand up for yourself) caused you some embarassment. That's perfectly understandable. I would hazard a guess that perhaps many/most of us here could share similar backgrounds.

    As a few people already mentioned, the acquisition of a particular skill will not necessarily give you self confidence, even if that new skill is the delivery of violence. Self confidence usually stems from feelings of self worth and identity. These usually stem from early relationships with parental figures and peer groups. As someone else already mentioned, looking back at these things at this point in your life MAY require the assistance of a clinical therapist/counselor. Only YOU can know for sure.

    That being said, learning Kenpo (or any other martial art) will give you a way to exercise self discipline, which is always a good thing. Building friendships and comeraderie with your fellow training partners will naturally boost your self confidence, improve your feelings of self-worth, and add on to your personal identity. Some of my closest friendships were formed on the dojo floor (usually in the middle of knocking the stuffing out of each other). I'm sure many of the other nice folks here would say the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    Now that I am grown, the people I am around are also grown and more mature so these situations are no longer common. However I feel like I have and do miss out on allot of life due to my fear of confrontation. I avoid going places where there are lots of people such as sporting events. I have children now, and I would absolutely hate for them to see me react in a cowardly way to some other person, but I want to take them to sporting events and such.
    I would say that your reasons for avoiding these places is of paramount importance. If you have sufficient reason to believe that violence may be present at these venues, then you are completely justified in refusing to be there. Placing yourself in harms way, simply to prove something to yourself, is never a good idea, especially if you have your children with you. Speaking of which, prudence is always a good lesson to teach your children.



    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    I am not interested in beating people up to prove myself, but I am intersted in being able to make a choice in my reaction to an agressor...not just running scared. I took TKD for few years when I was a young teenager. This seemed to help slightly, but obviously I still have "issues". I am willing to sacrifice some of the time I currently spend with my family in order to improve myself so that I can be a better husband/father etc.
    I think your first sentence here is so well-said. That's exactly how people should approach self-defense. And, I think skill in Kenpo will allow you to do exactly that: walk away from any confrontation with the full knowledge that, had anything untoward happened, you would have been victorious. Furthermore, your new interest doesn't necessarily have to impinge on your family time. You could always enroll your children in the same school. Even better (in my opinion), you could teach them yourself as you progress!

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    I also feel like my lack of self respect has affected my professional life and personal life when dealing with others. Do any of you believe Kenpo would help or do you know of someone in a similar situation that was helped by Kenpo? I am attracted to the real-world application of Kenpo and I believe it would by my best option in developing self defense.
    I've always felt that self respect is usually a product of self-examination and self-acceptance. Martial arts can be a part of that self-discovery, but the bulk of it will be a personal/psycho-social type of struggle. For skill in self defense, Kenpo is most definitely one of the best choices.

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    Thanks in advance for your input.
    Thank YOU for an interesting topic, and for baring so much of yourself here. Good luck!!

    MH
    Man has only those rights he can defend.

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Thank you everyone for your responses. I appreciate your input and sincerety. I will pursue my closest Kenpo school and hopefully begin a successful journey. At any rate there is nothing to lose and potentially allot to gain.

    GTKenpo

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Quote Originally Posted by GTKenpo
    Thank you everyone for your responses. I appreciate your input and sincerety. I will pursue my closest Kenpo school and hopefully begin a successful journey. At any rate there is nothing to lose and potentially allot to gain.

    GTKenpo
    True, and I would like to say you are always free to ask anything that is on your mind here.. If I may say, the people here have been fantastic with advice and insight.
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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    What you have said fits many of the people that take up Kenpo. Almost everyone does it for a different reason. You won't notice a great difference at the beginning but as your skill builds you will see that some of the people that you used to be afraid of really don'y have much Skill. Probably just oversized and mentaly deficient. After working self defence in class you start to visualize a self defense technique for about everything that can happen. If you have defended the same situation in class from people that are akilled you will no longer be afraid of the average "Bully" type. Also your body language wll tell them that you know how to take care of yourself. Bullys don't attack people that they think will resist them. They look for someone that is afraid of them.That way half of the fight s already won for them. If you study Kenpo and learned your lessons well you will show a confidence that wlll make them stay away from you. Good luck in your Study of Kenpo. It will pay off and make a different person of you.

    I am Most Respectfully,
    Sifuroy

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    Default Re: Can Kenpo Help?

    Social anxiety was one of my problems and still is. Kenpo has helped me a lot with this. I am not even near the way I was before I started taking Kenpo. I wouldn't event look for a girlfriend before, but now I have enough self confidence to ask her to marry me.


    Actually having some control over the situation, any situation, really helps.

    1. Then there is the anxiety removal processes.
    Methods used to remove the anxiety out of your energy field.
    That takes about 10-20 minutes.

    2. Then to install some competency from elsewhere in your past, where you’ve been successful and both the conscious mind and the subconscious minds are in agreement on that.

    3. If you are successful at Kenpo Karate, then that success could be used as a positive anchor (Pavlovian conditioning) for use on another area of your life.

    4. Then being taught the specific strategies and tactics (behaviors needed for new skill set).

    5.Now future pace those achievements “as if” already done successfully.

    6. Now go and practice in the real world and gain those necessary experiences.

    ©Dr. John M. La Tourrette
    Who was one of the top world class trainers for Ross Jefferies Speed Seduction, Speed life seminars for 5 years;-) 1997-2002

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