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Thread: [joke] A Woman's Experience with Children

  1. #1
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    Default [joke] A Woman's Experience with Children

    I think I should send this to my mother and make her thankful I never did any of this! LOL

    For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

    The following came from an anonymous mother.

    Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):


    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

    2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

    3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

    5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

    11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Superglue is forever- especially in hair.

    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20. The fire department in town has a 5-minute response time to my house.

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )



  2. #2
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    Default Re: [joke] A Woman's Experience with Children

    That is absolutely hilarious.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  3. #3
    Seig is offline
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    Default Re: [joke] A Woman's Experience with Children

    My dad would edit it to say anytime you hear any noise immediately followed by "oops" or "Uh oh" a catastrophe has already occurred.
    Just because you do something one way, does not mean that everyone else does it that way, or that it is even the correct way.

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