Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: Blonde joke

  1. #1
    mekosho Guest

    Default Blonde joke

    This blonde was speeding down the highway when she got pulled over...The police officer, a blonde herself, approached the driver and asked for her license...the blonde driver, now very nervous, stammered, "I forgot what my license looks like"! The police officer told her..."it's about this big (holding up her fingers) and it has your picture on it" At this, the driver began digging in her purse, when she felt an object the size of what the officer described, she pulled out a compact mirror, looked in and said "Oh, here it is" and handed it to the officer...The police officer took one look at the compact and replied..."Man are you dumb...had you told me you were a cop to, I would have let you off with just a warning"!

  2. #2
    asangria's Avatar
    asangria is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Yellow Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Cerritos
    Posts
    60
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    I remember seeing this one before. Liked it then as I do now.

    Thanks for the memories

  3. #3
    dubljay is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Adv. Blue Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    416
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Hehe thats a good one. Took me a second to get it (checks for blonde hair in a mirror)
    Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

  4. #4
    Chronuss's Avatar
    Chronuss is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Orange Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Charles Town, WV
    Posts
    114
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    how do you see the sparkle in a blonde's eye...?





























































    hold the flashlight up to her ear.
    See, all I've gotta do is get loose like I'm fluid, dude, Rollin' up my sleeves on my gi and get into it. You and who, him and them? Line up in a single file. One on one, all for one...end up in a bigger pile. The ambiance of Martial Arts is constant, Nunchucks chuckin' when I step in the mosh pit. Wing Chun dummy getting splintered apart, Escrima sticks whippin' and I'm chipping the bark. What are you? A pink belt? I'll give you a head start. Kumite killin', with the spirit of Ed Parker.

  5. #5
    fistlaw is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Orange Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Florida, U.S.
    Posts
    135
    Thanks
    46
    Thanked 58 Times in 38 Posts

    Talking Re: Blonde joke

    haha I like those..

  6. #6
    jjohnson Guest

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Quote Originally Posted by mekosho
    This blonde was speeding down the highway when she got pulled over...The police officer, a blonde herself, approached the driver and asked for her license...the blonde driver, now very nervous, stammered, "I forgot what my license looks like"! The police officer told her..."it's about this big (holding up her fingers) and it has your picture on it" At this, the driver began digging in her purse, when she felt an object the size of what the officer described, she pulled out a compact mirror, looked in and said "Oh, here it is" and handed it to the officer...The police officer took one look at the compact and replied..."Man are you dumb...had you told me you were a cop to, I would have let you off with just a warning"!
    I heard the same joke, but the punch line was different. In the version I heard the blonde cop placed the other under arrest for stealing her drivers license.

  7. #7
    uglydawg's Avatar
    uglydawg is offline
    KenpoTalk
    White Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Beaverton,OR
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    What does a blond say after sex?





    Are you guys from the same team.

  8. #8
    Kenpodave's Avatar
    Kenpodave is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Green Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Shreveport, Louisiana, United States,
    Posts
    593
    Thanks
    227
    Thanked 396 Times in 197 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    The blonde is driving, the brunette is in the passenger seat. They come to a stop sign and the blonde doesn't even slow down. The brunette braces for a wreck, but they end up OK. In a few seconds, another stop sign, the brunette braces as they race right through it, but they're OK again. A few minutes later, they zoom through a stop light at a busy intersection, and the brunette has had enough.

    "Why are you running through all these stop signs and intersections without stopping?" she asks.

    The blonde replies, "What, am I driving?"
    Dave

    "I consider that the spiritual life is the life of man's real self, the life of that interior self whose flame is so often allowed to be smothered under the ashes of anxiety and futile concern." - Thomas Merton


  9. #9
    shesulsa is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Orange Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Here
    Posts
    146
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 22 Times in 19 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    A blonde is driving down a country road in her little red sportscar with the top down and drives past a corn field where another blonde is seated in a small row boat, pumping the oars as though to row herself around the cornfield.

    Sportscar blonde pulls over and walks to the side of the road and calls out to rowboat blonde, "What the heck are you doing?!? Don't you know how stupid you look, rowing around in a corn field? It's chicks like you that give blondes a bad name! Why, if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!!"
    Experience is the best teacher ... and it teaches backwards.

  10. #10
    Kenpodave's Avatar
    Kenpodave is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Green Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Shreveport, Louisiana, United States,
    Posts
    593
    Thanks
    227
    Thanked 396 Times in 197 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    A blonde is out shoe shopping and sees some beautiful alligator shoes in a fine shoe store. She goes in and inquires about the price.

    "$300," says the salesman.

    "That's ridiculous," says the blonde. "I am not paying $300 for a pair of shoes."

    "Well, they are alligator leather shoes," he explains.

    "Well, fine," she says, "I'll just go out and get my own." And she storms out of the store.

    That evening, the salesman is driving home. He sees a car parked by a lake off the side of the road, and the same blonde is out knee deep in the water with a shotgun, and a huge gator is bearing down on her. He runs down to the water's edge as she shoots the gator. She wrestles him out of the water, and it is then that the salesman notices a pile of about 12 other dead gators.

    The blonde wrestles the gator onto the pile, then quickly examines it's feet.

    "@#$% it," she says, "this one is barefooted too!!!"
    Dave

    "I consider that the spiritual life is the life of man's real self, the life of that interior self whose flame is so often allowed to be smothered under the ashes of anxiety and futile concern." - Thomas Merton


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
    Posts
    7,774
    Thanks
    301
    Thanked 1,263 Times in 801 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Kenpodave View Post
    A blonde is out shoe shopping and sees some beautiful alligator shoes in a fine shoe store. She goes in and inquires about the price.

    "$300," says the salesman.

    "That's ridiculous," says the blonde. "I am not paying $300 for a pair of shoes."

    "Well, they are alligator leather shoes," he explains.

    "Well, fine," she says, "I'll just go out and get my own." And she storms out of the store.

    That evening, the salesman is driving home. He sees a car parked by a lake off the side of the road, and the same blonde is out knee deep in the water with a shotgun, and a huge gator is bearing down on her. He runs down to the water's edge as she shoots the gator. She wrestles him out of the water, and it is then that the salesman notices a pile of about 12 other dead gators.

    The blonde wrestles the gator onto the pile, then quickly examines it's feet.

    "@#$% it," she says, "this one is barefooted too!!!"
    If it was a redhead in this joke, I could have swore I married her.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  12. #12
    Takai's Avatar
    Takai is offline
    KenpoTalk
    1st. Brown Belt
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Roseburg, OR
    Posts
    855
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked 160 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Right now, I am really glad my wife doesn't like my shotgun.
    "Change is not necessary...Survival is not mandatory" - W. Edward Deming

    "When I hit....I hit the whole enchilada" - Master David Leung

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Sarnia, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,758
    Thanks
    822
    Thanked 674 Times in 489 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Never under estimate the power of a blonde!

  14. #14
    gimpat01's Avatar
    gimpat01 is offline
    KenpoTalk
    2nd. Brown Belt
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    795
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 12 Times in 10 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
    A contestant on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
    As she suspected it would be, the million dollar question was no pushover. It read, "Which of the following species of bird does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds"?
    Is it: A.) the condor B.) the buzzard C.) the cuckoo or D.) the vulture
    The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She was double on the spot, because she had used up her 50/50 lifeline and her audience poll lifeline. All that remained was her phone a friend lifeline and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But, the contestant had no alternative.
    She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
    The blonde responded unhesitatingly, "That's easy. The answer is C, the cuckoo."
    The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.
    She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And, considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
    "I need an answer," said Regis.
    Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C, the cuckoo."
    "Is that your final answer"? asked Regis.
    "Yes, that is my final answer."
    Two seconds later, Regis said, "I regret to inform you that the answer is absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire! "
    Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
    "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was your assuredness with which you answered the question that persuaded me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer"?
    "Oh, come on!" said the blonde. Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks!"
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

  15. #15
    Takai's Avatar
    Takai is offline
    KenpoTalk
    1st. Brown Belt
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Roseburg, OR
    Posts
    855
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked 160 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Quote Originally Posted by gimpat01 View Post
    "Oh, come on!" said the blonde. Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks!"
    Annoying little things too. Now where is my shotgun?
    "Change is not necessary...Survival is not mandatory" - W. Edward Deming

    "When I hit....I hit the whole enchilada" - Master David Leung

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
    Posts
    7,774
    Thanks
    301
    Thanked 1,263 Times in 801 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
    Posts
    7,774
    Thanks
    301
    Thanked 1,263 Times in 801 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
    Posts
    7,774
    Thanks
    301
    Thanked 1,263 Times in 801 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Bellevue, WA
    Posts
    4,824
    Thanks
    8,076
    Thanked 3,924 Times in 2,211 Posts

    Default Re: Blonde joke

    What do you call a dead blond in a closet?



    Last year's Hide-and Seek champion.
    "To be, rather than to seem"

    "Fix your rear foot ... What the hell is wrong with you?"

    "...I already watched the videos, and quite frankly, they're bullsh*t."

Remove Ads

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)