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Thread: [link] Something to Entertain

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Thanked 81 Times in 71 Posts

    Default [link] Something to Entertain has a TON of witty one-liners meant to be used as signatures at the end of your emails/posts/etc. SOme are quotes from folks, others get the idea

    Some exaples are:

    Remember, even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room!

    Isn't it ironic that only intelligent people understand the meaning of "ingorance is bliss"?

    Worry is a misuse of the imagination.

    The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true.

    It's too bad that ignorance isn't painful.

    Mankind must put and end to war before war puts an end to mankind.- John F. Kennedy

    A little wisdom never hurt anyone. Tell that to socrates - Harvey Danger, Pitty and Fear

    All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for enough good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke

    Never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

    'If I could do one thing with the world, I'd turn the entire human race into empaths. Make everybody feel everyone's pain. If we could all truly empathize with each other, there would be an immediate end to most human misery. Famines would stop as rich countries fall over themselves to send aid...'

    98% of the population is asleep. The other 2% are staring around in complete amazement, abject terror, or both.

    A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits. - Woodrow Wilson

    All truth goes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Then, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident.

    America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

    America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde

    Anyone who is not a socialist at 16 has no heart, but anyone who still is at 32 has no mind.

    Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. - George Bernard Shaw

    Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta. - Brian Aldiss

    Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.

    Education is the best defense against the media.

    I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is. I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. - Rebecca West, 1913

    I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

    If homosexuality is a disease, can I call into work 'gay'?

    If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Ella McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.
    How about everyone post the ones they like the best?
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )

  2. #2
    Gin-Gin2's Avatar
    Gin-Gin2 is offline
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    Feb 2005
    Austin, TX, USA
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    Thumbs up Re: [link] Something to Entertain

    Great link, Miyu! Here are some that I like:

    Confucius say - 'He who stands on toilet is high on pot'

    Error 404: Fortune not found

    Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

    "If you live to be one hundred years old, I want to live to be one hundred minus a day, so I never have to live one day without you." - Pooh

    'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind' - Dr. Seuss

    A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. - George Bernard Shaw

    "A career is a wonderful thing, but you can't snuggle up to it on a cold night." - Marilyn Monroe

    "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

    "I'm not confused, I'm well mixed." -Robert Frost

    "Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein

    "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Gandhi

    "When I was drafted I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"
    - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

    'Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.' - Mary Pickford

    The truly educated never graduate.
    "To understand the heart & mind of a person, look not at what they have already achieved, but what they aspire to do." -Kahlil Gibran

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Thanked 81 Times in 71 Posts

    Default Re: [link] Something to Entertain

    I picked out a few more I like:
    Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

    What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry

    "Bother," said Pooh, "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedoes and lock phasers on the Heffalump. Piglet, meet me in transporter room three. Christopher Robin, you have the bridge."

    "Ensign, fire at will"
    "Ahhhh, captain, I'd rather fire at Wesley!"

    "I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be ...ooooh donuts!"

    Borger King: Have it our way, your way is irrelevant.

    Customer: I'm running Windows '98
    Tech: Yes.
    Customer: My computer isn't working now.
    Tech: Yes, you said that.

    DOS is Unix's retarded younger brother.

    Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

    Failure is not acceptable. It comes bundled with Windows.

    All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.

    "ANY question addresed to a cat can be counted rhetorical." - E. Miller

    An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

    Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

    Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.

    Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. - Joseph Wood Krutch

    Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

    If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

    There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

    Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing their idiot (re: George W. Bush)

    Sign seen on sewage truck: "We're #1 at #2!"

    FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).

    Go with God. (my car's full...)

    God is coming [and is she pissed]

    Jesus is coming - Look Busy!

    Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an *******!

    Jesus paid for our sins. Now, let's get our money's worth!

    Jesus saves - Gretzky gets the rebound and scores!

    None of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.

    Note on condom machine: 'These condoms built to British standards.' underneath, 'Yeah, and so was the Titanic'

    Pull here for an Arts degree. (seen on toilet paper dispenser)

    Scrawled on a condom machine: Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber!

    Seen on the men's room wall at the BoardWalk Blues Cafe in Nashville - "I screwed your mother" and below it was written - "Go home dad, your drunk!"

    Why are you looking up here? The real joke is in your hands. - Seen in a bathroom in a pub in Luton, England

    'I'm not sure who he is, but I've heard he's got his hand in a lot of things.'- Kermit The Frog, about Jim Henson.

    And God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. And everyone said, "Hey, cool! Do You do parties?".

    Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh

    Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.

    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )

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