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Thread: This is why I prefer to work for myself

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
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    Default This is why I prefer to work for myself

    New Office Policy
    Body: Dress Code:

    **You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

    **If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

    **If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days:

    **We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days:

    **Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:

    **This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to al low you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

    Bathroom Breaks:

    **Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

    **After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under The "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break:

    **Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

    **Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

    **Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

    The Management
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  2. #2
    John Brewer's Avatar
    John Brewer is offline Starting Over
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    Jun 2006
    Southern California
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    Hey I think we could use a couple of these at my work! Thanks for the laugh.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Elk Grove, CA
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    That's what's great about being self-employed.

    You can set your own policy. Nicely done.
    The New Kenpo Continuum Book is now accepting submissions for volume 2. Our fabulous, ever-changing website is Sacramento Kenpo Karate.
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  4. #4
    gakusei's Avatar
    gakusei is offline
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    Mar 2005
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    More Shugyo!

  5. #5
    kenpo0324's Avatar
    kenpo0324 is offline
    2nd. Brown Belt
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    Feb 2005
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    Yours Truly

  6. #6
    Takai's Avatar
    Takai is offline
    1st. Brown Belt
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    Jun 2006
    Roseburg, OR
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    I think I worked there!
    "Change is not necessary...Survival is not mandatory" - W. Edward Deming

    "When I hit....I hit the whole enchilada" - Master David Leung

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Sarnia, Ontario, Canada
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    Default Re: This is why I prefer to work for myself

    Yes, me too, and you ought to see the benefits package!
    There is nothing so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.
    Unquestionably man has his will - but woman has her way! - Bruce Lee

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