Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Some Martial Arts Definitions...

  1. #1
    Bob Hubbard's Avatar
    Bob Hubbard is offline Retired


    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Buffalo, New York, United States
    Posts
    5,610
    Thanks
    1,012
    Thanked 2,160 Times in 1,156 Posts

    Default Some Martial Arts Definitions...

    Some Martial Arts Definitions...



    These are meant in fun, so don't take offense. And they ARE funny...

    VARIOUS QUOTES FROM PEOPLE:

    * Kempo: Percussion class with people as the drums

    * Aikido: Origami with people

    * Jiu-jitsu: people who fold your laundry for you----while you are still wearing it.

    * Tai Chi: martial art overdosed on valium...

    * The idea of Taiji is to yield to your opponent's attack.... in most cases the yielding seems to be so pronounced that the idea must be to play on the opponent's pity. :^)

    * Someone once told me my Tai Chi would only be useful in fighting NFL replays.

    * I once described Tai Chi to my fellow classmates as being just like standing still, only faster.


    Minor Martial Arts Dictionary


    Aikido: A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless of course his does not know how to ukemi in which case he has his wrist broken in about 20 places.

    Arnis:
    "Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima and kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronanciation of the art guarantees a quick taste.

    Bo:
    A stick. Bokken: A stick that looks like a sword.

    Buddhism:
    A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate asia with statues of short fat bald men.

    Chi:
    A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques, which in defying the laws of physics and the basic scientific common sense, allows the user to develop super human strength.

    Dan: A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.

    Darn:
    The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.

    Dojo:
    "The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar to a B & D parlor but without the mistress.

    Hakama:
    A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it.

    Iaido:
    "Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword from its scabbard. A rather interesting art developed around the principle of "look how big mine is".

    Judo:
    "Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers.

    Jujitsu:
    A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly more damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying "You gotta a big mouth"

    Karate: "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.

    Kata: A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that may involve pain.

    Katana: A sharp metal stick.

    Kendo:
    A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult ??

    Kuk Sool Won:
    A combination of Kata, Karate, Tae Kwon Do, Zen, Jujitsu and Master definitions but of course the tapes for Kuk Sool Won are much more expensive.

    Kung fu: A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Pray Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white lab coats.

    Master:
    A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced rank after long years of study or has started his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month.

    Naginata:
    A stick with a sharp bit on the end. Ninja: A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in his pajamas.

    Ninjutsu:
    The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas

    Sparring:
    Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes that you don't know any kata or techniques.

    Tae kwon do:
    An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.

    Tai chi chuan:
    Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway.

    Tatami: "Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three inches thick (with bound straw inside.) Original purpose to prevent blood stains on the wooden floor.

    Three sectional staff:
    Three sticks linked together.

    Zen:
    The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine that emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission of teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old and confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on their heads during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting in a cave facing a wall for 10 years or so.
    For ANY and ALL KenpoTalk issues, please use theContact Us link here or at page bottom right. Do NOT PM me for site support.

  2. #2
    Gin-Gin2's Avatar
    Gin-Gin2 is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Adv. Green Belt
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Austin, TX, USA
    Posts
    613
    Thanks
    95
    Thanked 24 Times in 17 Posts

    Thumbs up Re: Some Martial Arts Definitions...

    Good ones!
    The truly educated never graduate.
    "To understand the heart & mind of a person, look not at what they have already achieved, but what they aspire to do." -Kahlil Gibran

  3. #3
    kenpotex's Avatar
    kenpotex is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Adv. Orange Belt
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Springfield, Missouri
    Posts
    154
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Some Martial Arts Definitions...

    Dan: A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.

    Darn:
    The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.
    Ain't that the truth.
    The test: "Will this work so that I can use it instinctively in vital combat against an opponent who is determined to prevent me from doing so, and who is striving to eliminate me by fair means or foul?" ~ Col. Rex Applegate

    Matt K.

  4. #4
    Waya X Adisi is offline
    KenpoTalk
    White Belt
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Some Martial Arts Definitions...

    Don't forget the Doe Mae Wok style!


  5. #5
    dankenpo's Avatar
    dankenpo is offline
    KenpoTalk
    Purple Belt
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Chicago Suburbs
    Posts
    212
    Thanks
    245
    Thanked 78 Times in 57 Posts

    Default Re: Some Martial Arts Definitions...

    nice! I need to remember some of those!
    "Seek not to follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought." ~Matsu Basho

    "The nation that will insist upon drawing a broad line of demarcation between the fighting man and the thinking man is liable to find its fighting done by fools and its thinking by cowards." ~William Francis Butler

    "He who is taught only by himself has a fool for a master." ~Ben Jonson

Remove Ads

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 32
    Last Post: 01-10-2011, 03:45 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-10-2011, 02:16 AM
  3. Replies: 24
    Last Post: 01-10-2011, 02:11 AM
  4. The other founders
    By John Bishop in forum Hawaiian Kempo - General
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 10-06-2007, 03:27 PM
  5. Central Valley Martial Arts Camp (California)
    By Dionysianexile in forum Events
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-01-2005, 11:30 PM