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Thread: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

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    Bob Hubbard's Avatar
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    Default You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...



    * you say to the salesman in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I don't think
    I can kick in them."

    * when you want to say "I'm sorry" and involuntarily bow.

    * you go to the shoe store to try on shoes.

    * Instead of walking or jogging around the store, you practice pivoting,
    sweeps, stances and kicks.

    * You check to see if the shoe has a sufficiently hard striking surface and
    whether it protects the toes well

    * and lastly, you don't even care if (and they probably are) the other
    patrons are looking at you funny. (That's the big clue)

    * Now when every time you pass a wall you start to wonder:'Is that
    structural or drywall?' THEN you know you've gone overboard.

    * When you hit your head on a low doorway or ceiling and kick it in anger
    and _damage_ it.

    * "GAK! NO! The *left* side of the bathrobe goes on top...."

    * "What was I doing in my office when I was spinning around and flailing my
    arms and legs? Ahhhhhmmmmmmm....."

    * when you're practicing your arm blocks while driving down the highway,
    notice someone in another car staring at you, and suddenly turn your block
    into vigorously fanning away an imaginary fly

    * when you use various strikes to turn lights off and on;

    * don your clothing with kicks, thrusts, and punches

    * open and close doors with spinning kicks

    * find yourself idly doing iaido and kenjitsu moves with the plastic knives
    at the fast food place

    * can't walk by anybody else from your school without casually exchanging a
    flurry of mock strikes and kicks

    * haven't gotten over the phase of seeing everybody walking around with a
    blanket of little red cross-hairs on all their vital spots

    * leap to your feet and shriek with indignation while watching "Kung Fu",
    "Walker, Texas Ranger", and "Highlander" at home

    * deliberately go to see martial arts movies in the theater so you can leap
    to your feet and shriek with indignation during the movie, out in the
    parking lot, and with all your friends the next time you're at class

    * find yourself practicing bo staff techniques in miniature with your pencil
    during dull meetings

    * try to backfist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator,
    based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough
    to see it

    * notice you never stand with your arms crossed or your hands in your
    pockets

    * tend to keep at least one flavour of martial arts weapon close at hand by
    your bed when you sleep

    * buy shoes either because they're particularly flexible or have steel toes

    * have at least one fantasy where you are a martial arts hero and end the
    fight by saying something *so* cool that you make Arnold Shwarzenegger and
    Clint Eastwood look like nervous chatterboxes

    * have begun to master the reflex to commit a very messy homicide when,
    directly after someone finds out you practice martial arts, they immediately
    ask "Are you a Black Belt ???"

    * Urge to bow every time I enter or leave a room? Uh, not anymore,
    thankfully.

    * I used to accidentally call one of my favorite professors 'sensei' with
    fair regularity, and I don't think I'll ever stop saying 'hai!' instead of
    'yes!'.

    * When standing in line you find yourself practicing some stance from your
    art

    * When you bow going into and out of the bathroom

    * When you don't use any tools while splitting firewood.

    * When you are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them.

    * Whenever you see some wood or concrete, even things like stools or
    tables, and get excited while you picture just how you would go about
    breaking it. Then you get funny looks as you feel it and give it a look of
    hard concentration, then maybe measure off a few times.



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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Yeah, I've been guilty of most of those (except for the iaido & kenjutsu moves with the plastic knives)
    The truly educated never graduate.
    "To understand the heart & mind of a person, look not at what they have already achieved, but what they aspire to do." -Kahlil Gibran

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    I use open-handed double factor blocks when going by people - it gets em outta the way.

    My upper body does techinques or forms when walking down halls

    I use kicks to get out of the freezer at work

    I use wall corners to practice rhythmatic timing (OW)

    Ive used the shower curtains to work on finger whips..

    Ill stop now v_v*
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )



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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Guilty on more counts that I want to admit.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

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    execkenpo is offline
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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    LMAO! OK I see myself in too many of those warning signs. As a kid I had to go to church a lot. Recently I had to go for a funeral and I bowed at the entrance instead of genuflecting, oops. The priest must have wondered what the hell I was up to.

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    SifuDangeRuss is offline
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    Talking Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    When I first saw this list I wasn't sure if I should laugh or be embarrassed. I mean...who's been following me around ?

    I suppose that is what makes some humor universal. It's things we can all identify with on some level. I guess I should feel happy to know I'm not alone in these absurd idiosynchrosies.

    Glad to be related, in some cosmic way, to the rest of you nuts who laughed as you recognized yourself in all too many of these scenarios.
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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Guilty on several counts! Never enough time in a day to train so I gotta do something, Right?
    Hands on Healer

    "If you can not be King be a healer."

    "The hands of the King are the hands of a healer"

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Alright you caught me, I do most of those things LOL
    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"


    "Praying Mantis, very good. . . For catching bugs." --Jackie Chan

    "A horse stance is great for taking a dump" --Jet Li

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    I usually try finger pokes instead of back fists on the elevators.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    wow I thought i was the only one that done those things on the list, im glad its a worldwide problem.

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Yeah, I remember doing all this before. One I remember was trying to turn lights off and on with a kick. An axe kick to turn the swtich off. After being out of kenpo for about 15 years, I grew out of these habits and have not reallys tarted them again yet, but i do imagine that theya re only a matter of time.

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Ever look at a hamburger or pizza as the universal pattern?
    Brad Marshall SP
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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by MARSHALLS KENPO View Post
    Ever look at a hamburger or pizza as the universal pattern?
    Not yet, but now that you told me ...

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by MARSHALLS KENPO View Post
    Ever look at a hamburger or pizza as the universal pattern?
    So THAT'S why I've been drawn to pizza all my life!

    Anywayz, I actually have done #1... leg room in my pants is of extreme importance!
    "Your kung fu's no good..."
    *Warrior, Scholar*

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    I see the universal pattern everywhere.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by Celtic_Crippler View Post
    I see the universal pattern everywhere.
    mmm now that you mention it I see it in the mirror looking back at me.
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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by MARSHALLS KENPO View Post
    Ever look at a hamburger or pizza as the universal pattern?
    I'll never view pizza the same way!
    Hands on Healer

    "If you can not be King be a healer."

    "The hands of the King are the hands of a healer"

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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...


    So if I graft from this point.. yes... elongated... mmhmmm ...reverse marriage... of course!! Parker was right!
    -David C
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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by MARSHALLS KENPO View Post
    Ever look at a hamburger or pizza as the universal pattern?
    Not for long!
    I tend to make it an open ended triangle pretty quickly.
    Each slice, going into my mouth, is "Thrusting Wedge".


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    Default Re: You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

    Quote Originally Posted by Brother John View Post
    Not for long!
    I tend to make it an open ended triangle pretty quickly.
    Each slice, going into my mouth, is "Thrusting Wedge".


    Your Brother
    MHNPH....

    (sorry, shouldn't try to talk with my mouth full)
    Thats funny
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