Embarrassing Medical Exams

[Texas Kenpo]

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr.
Mark MacDonald, San Francisco



2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA



3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg



4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told
me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA



5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered.."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR



6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Submitted by Dr.
Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI



7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................



8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The
middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

[Dr. Dave in da house]

That's freakin hilarious! The medical field is rife with opportunities for such flubs. I love it.

D.

[LngDrnkOfSilence]

Thanks, TK!

I can't tell you how much I needed those chuckles today!

Your Brother in the arts,

Andrew