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Thread: Embarrassing Medical Exams

  1. #1
    Texas Kenpo is offline
    Adv. Orange Belt
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    Apr 2006
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    Default Embarrassing Medical Exams

    1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
    the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's
    dress, and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that
    there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr.
    Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

    2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
    slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
    instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her
    husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
    minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
    died of a "massive internal fart."
    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
    cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
    one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told
    me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
    to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
    wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
    instructions include removal of the old patch
    before applying a new one.
    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
    have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
    answered.."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

    6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
    checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this
    morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
    get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
    and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Submitted by Dr.
    Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
    purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
    tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
    determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
    scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
    operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
    green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
    patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
    Submitted by RN no name

    AND FINALLY!!!................

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
    embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
    embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The
    middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
    laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
    sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
    replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an
    Oscar Meyer Wiener".

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Texas Kenpo For This Useful Post:

    Dr. Dave in da house (03-01-2007),LngDrnkOfSilence (03-01-2007),Rob Broad (01-01-2008)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Dana Point, CA
    Thanked 4,374 Times in 1,427 Posts

    Default Re: Embarrassing Medical Exams

    That's freakin hilarious! The medical field is rife with opportunities for such flubs. I love it.

    Clear mind, clear movement. Mastery of the Arts is mastery over the Self. That in this moment, this motion, the thoughts, memories, impulses and passions that cloud the mind must yield to the clarity of purpose, and purity of motion.

  4. #3
    LngDrnkOfSilence is offline
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    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Durham, NC
    Thanked 32 Times in 25 Posts

    Default Re: Embarrassing Medical Exams

    Thanks, TK!

    I can't tell you how much I needed those chuckles today!

    Your Brother in the arts,

    Andrew M. Goodwin - Student of the arts
    Middletown, DE

    Blue Belt in Kenpo (5/12)
    9th Kyu in Budo Taijutsu (5/12)
    2nd Brown in TSD (8/98)

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