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Thread: The Idiot Report for 2006

  1. #1
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    Default The Idiot Report for 2006

    Number One Idiot of 2006
    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
    Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
    I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
    I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

    Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

    Number Two Idiot of 2006
    Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
    a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
    of the plane and home.
    Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast
    Guard helicopter coming towards them.
    It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
    that activated when the raft was inflated.
    They are no longer employed at Boeing.

    Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

    Number Three Idiot of 2006
    A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch

    and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag."
    While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
    to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
    before he reached the teller's window.
    So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
    Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
    Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
    he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
    accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
    slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
    or go back to Bank of America.
    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
    He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
    Bank of America .

    Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

    Number Four Idiot of 2006

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured

    his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
    mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
    the police department a photograph of $40.
    Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
    another picture, this time of handcuffs.
    He immediately mailed in his $40.

    Wise guy........ but you still get a sign

    Number Five Idiot of 2006
    A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all

    of the cash from the cash drawer.
    After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch
    that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
    He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused
    and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
    The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
    she didn't believe him.
    At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
    gave it to the clerk.
    The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
    she put the Scotch in the bag.
    The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
    The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
    the robber that he got off the license.
    They arrested the robber two hours later.

    This guy definitely needs a sign.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

    Idiot Number Six of 2006
    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
    The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
    the startled first bandit shot him.

    This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

    Idiot Number Seven of 2006
    Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

    he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
    booze, and run.
    So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window
    The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
    store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
    The whole event was caught on videotape.
    Yep, Here's your sign

    (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

    I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
    township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
    sign on our road.
    The reason:
    "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
    I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
    >From Kingman , KS .
    __________________________________________________ ____
    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
    person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
    sorry, but they only had iceberg.
    He was a Chef?
    Yep...From Kansas City !
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
    "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
    To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
    Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
    __________________________________________________ _____
    The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street
    I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
    She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
    __________________________________________________ _
    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
    company due to" downsizing."
    Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this
    more often."
    Not another word was spoken.
    We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
    This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
    and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would
    not turn on.
    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
    __________________________________________________ __
    When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
    car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
    department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
    side door As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
    door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced
    to the technician, "its open!"
    His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
    This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
    __________________________________________________ _____
    They walk among us .. and they
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  2. #2
    John Brewer's Avatar
    John Brewer is offline Starting Over
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    Default Re: The Idiot Report for 2006

    I believe there are a few villages missing their idiots. Good post!

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