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Thread: Actual Call Centre Conversations

  1. #1
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    Default Actual Call Centre Conversations

    Funny, but I make no guarantee of the validity of any of these (though my wife swears she could see me doing any of the calls to computer tech support!)

    >Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
    through to enquiries, can you help?"
    >Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
    >Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
    >Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Samsung Electronics
    >Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
    >Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
    >Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
    I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone
    Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
    >Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >RAC Motoring Services
    >Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
    travelling in Australia?"
    >Operator: "Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
    "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to
    the other side of the car?"
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Directory Enquiries
    >Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
    >Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
    >Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B'
    fell off".
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    >Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
    >Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Computer Tech Support
    >Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop"
    >Customer: "OK"
    >Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    >Customer: "No"
    >Tech Support: "OK, Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    >Customer: "No"
    >Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    >Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click' "
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    >Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
    file back again?"
    >-------------------------------------------------------------------
    >There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
    long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a
    true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!)
    >Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"
    >Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    >Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
    >Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    >Operator: "Went away?"
    >Caller: "They disappeared."
    >Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    >Caller: "Nothing."
    >Operator: "Nothing??"
    >Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    >Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
    >Caller: "How do I tell?"
    >Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
    >Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    >Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
    >Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
    type."
    >Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
    >Caller: "What's a monitor?"
    >Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
    >Caller: "I don't know."
    >Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
    >Caller: "Yes, I think so."
    >Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall?"
    >Caller: "Yes, it is."
    >Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
    >Caller: "No."
    >Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    >Caller: "Okay, here it is."
    >Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
    the back of your computer."
    >Caller: "I can't reach."
    >Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
    >Caller: "No."
    >Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
    >Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
    >Operator: "Dark??"
    >Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    >Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    >Caller: "I can't."
    >Operator: "No, Why not??"
    >Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
    >Operator: "A power.................... .................. A power
    >failure?
    >Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
    manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
    >Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    >Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    >Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    >Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    >Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
    >Operator: "Tell them you're too _______ stupid to own a computer"

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Actual Call Centre Conversations

    Quote Originally Posted by thedan
    Funny, but I make no guarantee of the validity of any of these (though my wife swears she could see me doing any of the calls to computer tech support!)


    >There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
    long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a
    true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!)
    >Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"
    >Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    >Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
    >Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    >Operator: "Went away?"
    >Caller: "They disappeared."
    >Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    >Caller: "Nothing."
    >Operator: "Nothing??"
    >Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    >Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
    >Caller: "How do I tell?"
    >Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
    >Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    >Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
    >Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
    type."
    >Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
    >Caller: "What's a monitor?"
    >Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
    >Caller: "I don't know."
    >Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
    >Caller: "Yes, I think so."
    >Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall?"
    >Caller: "Yes, it is."
    >Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
    >Caller: "No."
    >Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    >Caller: "Okay, here it is."
    >Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
    the back of your computer."
    >Caller: "I can't reach."
    >Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
    >Caller: "No."
    >Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
    >Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
    >Operator: "Dark??"
    >Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    >Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    >Caller: "I can't."
    >Operator: "No, Why not??"
    >Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
    >Operator: "A power.................... .................. A power
    >failure?
    >Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
    manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
    >Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    >Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    >Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    >Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    >Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
    >Operator: "Tell them you're too _______ stupid to own a computer"
    I believe that this person got fired from Dell.
    "Change is not necessary...Survival is not mandatory" - W. Edward Deming

    "When I hit....I hit the whole enchilada" - Master David Leung

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Actual Call Centre Conversations

    Having opened my big mouth to come in to work on the evening of the 4th...these really brought a smile to my face.

    Thank you for posting them!

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    Default Re: Actual Call Centre Conversations

    Yet again, some more reasons why I'm glad I no longer work in a call center. CC don't you agree?
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Actual Call Centre Conversations

    Quote Originally Posted by lady_kaur
    Having opened my big mouth to come in to work on the evening of the 4th...these really brought a smile to my face.

    Thank you for posting them!
    This is the second time in over 10 years I havn't had to work the 4th! Glad I could lighten the load of another unfortunate soul!

    Hope the rest of the day was good.

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