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Thread: The 2006 Darwin Awards

  1. #1
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    Default The 2006 Darwin Awards

    OK, if any of us ever feel that sometimes we're a few eggs short of a
    dozen, just read these, the 2006 Darwin Awards.

    The 2006 Darwin Awards -- the annual honor given to the person who
    improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most
    extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been
    keen. And the candidates this year included.............


    HIGHLY COMPETITIVE BRACKET:

    * IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
    water after squeezing g head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
    retrieve his car keys.

    * A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
    ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

    * Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
    into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
    21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
    in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
    burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer
    banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
    resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
    workers using heavy equip ment almost an hour to free him while about 200
    people looked on. Jones was pro nounced dead at a hospital.

    * Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
    through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
    caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
    hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    * Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won
    a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
    bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    HONORABLE MENTION:

    * Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
    wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
    their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
    and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
    apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP:

    * TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
    one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
    Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
    heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
    4:30AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
    one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
    volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.

    One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end
    was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened
    and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
    the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
    say" said Bingham "is that God was watching out for me on that night.
    There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
    located.

    AND THE WINNER OF THE 2006 DARWIN AWARD:

    * Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
    constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
    berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it
    fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
    ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
    "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
    Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
    unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him"
    said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.

    "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least
    an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.

    It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "****
    happens!"
    A black belt covers 2" of your butt. Covering the rest is soley up to you

  2. #2
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    Default Re: The 2006 Darwin Awards

    Fun stuff.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: The 2006 Darwin Awards

    Natural Selection strikes back! I love it.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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