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Thread: Weight loss program

  1. #1
    gimpat01's Avatar
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    Default Weight loss program

    WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM:

    A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
    The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
    Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs! as promised.
    He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
    The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
    Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while before he can't continue, so for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
    Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to
    discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised!
    He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone.
    "This is our most rigorous program."
    "Absolutely ," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
    The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine!"
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Run Forrest Run!!!!!!! LMAO
    A black belt covers 2" of your butt. Covering the rest is soley up to you

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    I thought this was going to be a post about how fit you've gotten from joining our school and the excercises I put you through. LOL.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    ...then would it still be appropriate o be under the Humour forums?
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )



  5. #5
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    Default

    Nice.

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    More Shugyo!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    CC - nope, I'm not quite that self absorbed at this point... let me lose 20lbs more then what I've already lost and then I'll post about it.
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Almost being a dietician I can tell you that you should only lose 2 pounds a week in a healthy way......but as a college student I would call this company any day LOL.
    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"


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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Quote Originally Posted by Miyu
    ...then would it still be appropriate o be under the Humour forums?
    Sometimes I'm as sharp as a bowling ball.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Quote Originally Posted by Celtic_Crippler
    Sometimes I'm as sharp as a bowling ball.
    Sorry. I have to comment now. Good grief Celtic Crippler.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Quote Originally Posted by parkerkarate
    Almost being a dietician I can tell you that you should only lose 2 pounds a week in a healthy way.
    I know a gal who lost about 170lbs. of dead weight in a matter of days.







    She broke up with her boyfriend.
    The New Kenpo Continuum Book is now accepting submissions for volume 2. Our fabulous, ever-changing website is Sacramento Kenpo Karate.
    I'm a member of the Universal Life Church and the ULC Seminary. I'm also a Sacramento Wedding Minister and Disc Jockey
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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    it was more like 185lbs... but that's neither here nor there....
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Quote Originally Posted by amylong
    I know a gal who lost about 170lbs. of dead weight in a matter of days.







    She broke up with her boyfriend.
    Thats an old Tom Arnold joke. He said that for the first year after he got divorced from Roseanne
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Quote Originally Posted by gimpat01
    it was more like 185lbs... but that's neither here nor there....
    Oh, that happened to you too?

    My friend, from years ago, was all depressed about her breakup and I said, "Are you kidding? This is the best diet of all time! You just lost 170lbs of dead weight in a matter of hours!"
    The New Kenpo Continuum Book is now accepting submissions for volume 2. Our fabulous, ever-changing website is Sacramento Kenpo Karate.
    I'm a member of the Universal Life Church and the ULC Seminary. I'm also a Sacramento Wedding Minister and Disc Jockey
    New Cool (free) kenpo tool bar: http://KenpoKarate.OurToolbar.com/


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    Default Re: Weight loss program

    Haha! nice joke. I could see it coming though.

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