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Thread: Raising Boys

  1. #1
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    Default Raising Boys

    Raising Boys

    a) For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
    b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
    d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
    e) For those who have not yet had children, this is bc.

    Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

    A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq ft. house
    inches deep.

    If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
    blades, they can ignite.

    A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
    restaurant.

    If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
    enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
    cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
    paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft room.

    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
    a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
    you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
    ceiling fan.

    When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
    late.

    Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
    boy.

    Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    Super glue is forever.

    No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
    walk on water.

    Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
    they do.

    Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

    Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
    ovens.

    The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

    The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
    without kids.

    80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

    My wife sent me this, and the part that really cracked me up was the last sentence. LMAO I was thinking when I first read that part wow I gotta try that.
    A black belt covers 2" of your butt. Covering the rest is soley up to you

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Raising Boys

    Quote Originally Posted by 2004hemi
    Raising Boys

    a) For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
    b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
    d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
    e) For those who have not yet had children, this is bc.

    Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

    A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq ft. house
    inches deep.

    If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
    blades, they can ignite.

    A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
    restaurant.

    If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
    enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
    cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
    paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft room.

    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
    a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
    you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
    ceiling fan.

    When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
    late.

    Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

    A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
    36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
    boy.

    Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    Super glue is forever.

    No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
    walk on water.

    Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

    VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
    they do.

    Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

    You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

    Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
    ovens.

    The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

    The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
    without kids.

    80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

    My wife sent me this, and the part that really cracked me up was the last sentence. LMAO I was thinking when I first read that part wow I gotta try that.
    ROFL me too man. I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
    PARKER - HERMAN - SECK

  3. #3
    gimpat01's Avatar
    gimpat01 is offline
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    Default Re: Raising Boys

    I was considering repainting the women's dressing room at our dojo w/the ceiling fan idea... is that wrong???
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Raising Boys

    Quote Originally Posted by gimpat01
    I was considering repainting the women's dressing room at our dojo w/the ceiling fan idea... is that wrong???
    LOL!
    PARKER - HERMAN - SECK

  5. #5
    Ray
    Ray is offline
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    Default Re: Raising Boys

    A friend of mine once came upon a father working in a garden, with his boys..they were working pretty hard and sweating a lot. My friend asked the father "what are you raising?" The father replied "Boys."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Raising Boys

    Good one. Sounds like last night when Bob was making chicken wings. He asked his grampa how'd he like his wings...his Grampa answered "On my plate"

    Best laugh Id had in awhile lol
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )



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