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Thread: Diary of a Dog and a Cat

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Thanked 81 Times in 71 Posts

    Default Diary of a Dog and a Cat


    8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

    9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!

    9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.

    10:30 a.m.. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!

    12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!

    1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!

    3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters .. they're the best!

    4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was boun! cing off the walls!

    5:00 p.m. Milkbones -- awesome!

    7:00 p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!

    8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!


    Day 683 of My Captivity:

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demon! strates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait.

    It is only a matter of time...
    Susan A. Spann

    Something Here Coming Soon

    Member of the Estrogen Mafia and Proud Owner of THIS Thread (FOREVER D:< )

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Sarnia, ON, Canada
    Thanked 1,263 Times in 801 Posts

    Default Re: Diary of a Dog and a Cat

    Very cute.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Orlando, Florida
    Thanked 1,520 Times in 909 Posts

    Default Re: Diary of a Dog and a Cat

    That's frackin' hilarious!
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

  4. #4
    Seig is offline
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    Feb 2005
    Martinsburg, WV
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    Default Re: Diary of a Dog and a Cat

    I didn't know our cat could type.
    Just because you do something one way, does not mean that everyone else does it that way, or that it is even the correct way.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Baltimore, Maryland
    Thanked 113 Times in 95 Posts

    Default Re: Diary of a Dog and a Cat

    Priceless. That description matches my girlfriends cat.
    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"

    "Praying Mantis, very good. . . For catching bugs." --Jackie Chan

    "A horse stance is great for taking a dump" --Jet Li

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