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Thread: Valentine's Joke

  1. #1
    kenpo0324's Avatar
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    Red face Valentine's Joke

    Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

    If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.

    Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

    A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    Yours Truly
    Kenpo0324

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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by kenpo0324
    Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

    If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.

    Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

    A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    not bad not bad
    "To hear is to doubt. To see is to be deceived. But to feel is to believe." -- SGM Ed Parker

    "Sic vis pacem parabellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." -- "The Punisher"


    "Praying Mantis, very good. . . For catching bugs." --Jackie Chan

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    gimpat01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    I might be using some of that in my Maid of Honor speech next year at my brother's wedding. Luckily for me, he's marrying my Best Friend/Roommate, so we're all cool like that!!!

    kt
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by kenpo0324

    A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    Those are awesome Ken!

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    gimpat01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    Ahhh. to be single and not have some of those worries...


    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    Gee, and I thought Valentines Day itself was the joke.
    Quality outweighs quantity every time.

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    gimpat01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    I think I agree with you...
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

  8. #8
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    jfarnsworth is offline Parker / Planas Lineage
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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Rob Broad
    Gee, and I thought Valentines Day itself was the joke.
    Yeah, I think someone decided to call it a day to waste my monies that I don't have on stuff I don't need.

  9. #9
    gimpat01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    It's perfect excuse for us chocoholics to stock up w/out having to answer questions. That's the only good use of it in my book.

    *digs into bag of Dark Chocolate*
    "Second chances they don't never matter, people never change
    Once a whore you're nothing more i'm sorry that'll never change
    And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
    I'm sorry honey, but i'm passing up, now look this way...*" --Paramore "Misery Business"


    (*this is where a punch would be landed)

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    Default Re: Valentine's Joke

    The floral industry has to make money somehow.
    "It is sobering to reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." Charles A. Beard

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